I personally believe friendships are held together by the integration of families. I have learnt this from experience being on either side. Irrespective of how good a friend they are or were, if members within either family network do not get along or do not wish to associate, you’re simply ‘washing mud pies’.
I am finding it quite difficult to find data related to this, and more importantly, how to link it to the workplace for improved culture, productivity, and bottom-line performance. But first, the therapy session.
Again, I believe the modern form of friendship underlining individual choice and affinity is challenged by two key things 1) marriage, and the family's subsequent connections and 2) friendship groups and their family connections, and or integration with your family.
Maintaining friendships can be challenging and even lost if there is a change in dynamic to the friendship or family circle. Irrespective of how good of friends you once were and what your history was. Why? Because family generally comes first over friendship, I get this. If there is an unsettlement or modified attitude towards someone who is close to you, you cannot expect the friendship to remain the same or perhaps even continue, it just won’t. There are no hard feelings or malice towards this, it is sadly the true outcome.
Sometimes, issues may be prioritised for resolution however importantly, this needs to be an equal and forbearing understanding. Unless all parties are willing, progress is a slow and challenging process. There is more of an undertone that no matter what, family is family, and friends are friends. As the old saying goes ‘you can choose your friends but cannot choose your family’.
However, if you feel like your friends have replaced your family or you may even prefer your friends to your family, you are not alone. Many individuals turn to friends when they have difficulties or life challenges as their friends understand them better than family members do.
“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves”
This represents the importance that friendships hold for some, and the fact that we as humans hold our friends close – sometimes as close as our family.
However, that is not always the case. Countless studies have found that friendships consistently rank among the lowest priorities in people’s busy lives and family consistently rank the highest.
Do friends make you happier than family? It is thought friendships should be less judgmental and are more likely to be positive. Having good friends can even make you healthier and have a longer life expectancy. There you go.
Five key lessons I have learnt in recent years:
1) We should ask ourselves regularly, have you been there for someone who truly needed you (friend or family)? I know I haven’t. I have learnt the hard way with a lot of current and previous relationships
2) Be the first one to reach out. Never underestimate the power in simply saying ‘hi’, asking ‘how are you’, or ‘would you like to catchup’
3) Participate. You can’t improve relationships if you don’t ask, or don’t turn up
4) We must be able to have open and honest discussions with our people (friends and family) so that we have unconditional support when we need it
5) Once you discover solitary, it becomes dangerously addictive. Be careful, life is too short to hold a grudge and it takes up too much mental capital.
Looping back to my previous point, the fundamental characteristics of contemporary friendship are strongly linked to the integration of families under the following forms:
1. Temporality of friendship is a common form of relations were lived through spontaneous everyday practices, such as Neighbours or work colleagues who became close friends.
2. Friendship in cyclical time is generally gatherings among friends that were planned, repeated regularly and, through time, became the way in which these friendships were primarily established. This type of friendship is generally suited to families with similar interests, who have children around the same time, or similar.
3. Friendships based on the past are often connected to a significant transition during life, such as growing up together through school, or early adult years. Alot of these friendships are almost life-long, taking root during childhood. These friendships in almost all cases involved two people of the same gender and can be revived by timeless moments, memories, and interactions. However, regardless of the deep-rooted friendship, without integration of families they will eventually fizzle out. I am certainly not indicating I will give up or no longer pursue a friendship, I am however acutely aware of the challenges associated with the circumstances.
Research indicates that having good friends is tied to better mental and physical health outcomes. With that said, every circumstance is unique, and it's up to us to figure out which relationships in life feel the most fulfilling, supportive, and loving, regardless of if they are with a family member or friend.
How does this correlate to the workplace? Finally got there, now the therapy session is over…
We know the data with having friends at work which directly impacts employee retention, productivity, and culture. Furthermore, those with connections are much more likely to advance their career.
We know the average person spends over 80,000 hours, the equivalent of more than nine straight years, at work!
Despite claiming “our people are our best asset,” many employers expect employees to leave their personal lives in the car out the front and focus on work related tasks and conversations only. This is strange given data shows having a best friend, or good friends at work is strongly linked to business outcomes including increased or improved profitability, safety and mitigation of risk, and employee retention.
Surely improved bottom line performance, employee satisfaction, and overall culture are enough…? If not, more so than ever having a strong circle of friends or connections at work has an even greater value or impact since working from home became somewhat the norm (post pandemic). Furthermore, it can relate directly to an employee’s likelihood to recommend their workplace, their intent to leave, and overall job satisfaction.
A workplace that encourages a culture of friendships is good for the people, and good for the company's performance. Having a service-based company requiring the skills of people, I have experienced what a change in culture can do to our service delivery, and subsequent financial position.
Easier said than done and here’s one for the leaders reading this, ‘don’t force it’. Just do your part by encouraging it and you will experience the results.
To ignore friendships in the workplace is to ignore a human’s nature. In the battle between company policy and human nature, human nature always wins.
Yeah, this one was delivered with multiple messages. Not an unusual trend… nonetheless, has some value.
Comments